Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Grudges, Rumours & Drama Queens - The Civil Servants Manual

You Can't Polish a Turd is now called Grudges, Rumours & Drama Queens since my publisher ceased to be and I chose to reinvigorate it. It is available at  Amazon here  as both a paperback and an e-book. It is vital information for the committed (or soon to be committed) civil servant.


The contents:


You Can’t Polish a Turd

Basic Skills

Government Philosophy for Beginners
        Obstrucius – The first and greatest
        Burocrates – The Greek perspective
        Futilius - The study of committees.
        Dillayus – Out of the shadow of Futilius
The 5 Paradigms of Government
       Don’t Make a Decision
       Cover Your Arse
       Show No Initiative
       Use As Much Jargon As Possible in Your Communications
       Make Sure Nobody Really Knows What You Do
The Civil Servant’s Haiku and the Politician’s Prayer
Getting a Job Within Government
Understanding Your Work Colleagues
       Drama Queen
       The Bitter Old Man
       The Administrator
       The Sports Freak
       The Boffin
       The Entrepreneur
       The Slacker
The Communications Hierarchy
Running a Successful Meeting (internal clients)
Running a Successful Meeting (external clients)
5 Ways to Brighten a Dull Day
       Cultivate a Grudge
       Invent Some Jargon
       Invent Jargon with Acronyms
       Write a letter to the Minister that you know
             will come to you to answer
       Start a Rumour
5 Signs that you have been Successfully Insitutionalised

Intermediate Skills

Writing a Letter
Dealing with Other Departmental Branches
       Human Resources
       Helpdesk / IT
Project Management
Policy Development
Solving a Policy Problem – The Bog
Basic Jargon
Strategic Planning
Employing a New Staff Member

Advanced Bureaucracy

Reviews, Restructures and Reorganisation
Scheduling and Avoidance
Crisis Management
Government Efficiency Drives
Dealing With the Minister’s Office

Overarching Phenomena and Contemporary Thinkers

Dark Matter and its Relationship to Bureaucracy

Contemporary Experts of Government Sir Roger d’Enwharey 
Prof. Livinia Lye
Sameul Hackett

That is the contents and to give you a taster I have included some linkis to various chapters below.

You Can't Polish a Turd
Classic Government Philosophers
5 Paradigms of Government
The Politician's Prayer
5 Ways to Brighten a Dull Day
Running an internal meeting
Running and External Meeting
Writing Government Policy
Strategic Planning
Government Efficiency Drives
Dark Matter and Bureaucracy